speedgriffon

I am the flavor of the month. I am queen of unending ideas. I completly wrote out an entire plot line for two books today and I am not even finished with my first. I’m taking the first few chapters/ideas to Mac tomorrow.

My life is so amazing right now.

BEFORE

Tomorrow will be almost as amazing as today was. The Yearbooks are EXTRAORDINARY! I am so proud of Amy and (most) of the staff who worked so hard on it. I am also in a bit of pain from lifting boxes and bending over to fetch books from boxes. Though, I am very thankful that I was able to be a part of it. I literaly squealed the moment my book was placed in my hands. Never have I been so proud of my own work.

Speaking of work, I have finally figured out what I want to do with my novel. And I have an idea for my next one. I will keep spitting them out and I will also continue to give them to Mac to edit them, regardless of how famous I get for my work. I’m talking to screenwriters too, but shhh. I havent told anybody yet. ;].

Finals are next week, and I am SO confident. This is really turning out to be a fantastic end to a school year.

OOOOH! AND WHITENY WON ANTM!!!!!!! EVEN BETTER!

I am the biggest bitch this state has every seen. I may have not killed mass amounts of people, or bombed buildings, or impregnated my daughters, but I’ve fucked up a lot of people’s lives. My mouth has always been my biggest enemy. It has gotten me in trouble more than it should.

I remember when it was 8th grade promotion when I wrote a poem about how the real people don’t get to speak at graduation, and got yelled at by the vice-principal. I remember when I had a friend named Laura and because I thought confronting her with my feelings was a good thing, ended up in being the worst 4 weeks of my life; drug busts, the loss of friends and the revealing of true ones. 

I also remember what I wrote in my letter to myself at the end of 8th grade. I tell myself to go hug Cassie, regardless if we are friends or not. Ever since we stopped being close, I have become to realize that a friend is not a companion, but somebody who changes your life and haunts you for the rest of your life. There are thousands of things I find daily in my life that wouldn’t be apart of me if it weren’t for our friendship. And low and behold, it was my mouth that fucked that up too. I became afraid of confronting my past and two simple words became the hardest thing to do since nuclear science. It’s not right to say it in pixelated lines on the computer, but it’s better than saying it two years from now when so much of our innocence is lost. I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done to hurt you. But I’m thankful for the friendship we have. My use of presence tense is intentional.

It’s my use of words that got me in trouble with Mary as well. I ridiculed her choices and nearly lost her because of it. I questioned our friendship and if I was just a replacement for Hayley. But recently, I discovered that our friendship is a (good) unusual one. I watched her hug her boyfriend last night and found that behind tough emotions and a frustrated teenager was a beautiful individual who has a lot of love to give to the world, and I am very fourtunate to have her in my life. I have always had this kind of idea, but sometimes, it takes a shiny sequence dress to make it click completely.

I don’t know what kind of friends, or lack of, I will have in the future. I thought Cassie and I would be friends throughout high school, and I blame nobody but myself for jepordizing that the moment I moved away. I didn’t try enough to preserve something wonderful. Because of that, I don’t know if Mary and I will be friends outside of high school, but I know I am going to do whatever it takes to not let my words mess it up (again).

This is not an insult to anybody, nor is it meant to be cruel. Sometimes it takes reading something horrible about yourself to realize that you really are that horrible. But I’m changing. I’ve been changing ever since 7th grade whne I met the most amazing people. I no longer speak to those people, but I honestly wish I did.   

Pete Wentz is wrong. Seasons change, and so do people.

I am done with waiting for him to make up his mind. There will be no more trips to please other people.

I’m going to start working to better myself and do the things I want to do. I’m going to stop complaining about guys and thier selfish ways and rather, go out and find the man I want.

I, unlinke some people, will go the distance. I will take risks and will not be hurt from this. I put my heart out there, and I told somebody I loved them, because I was getting it back. To be rejected for the final time did not hurt me as bad as I thought; rather, it is encouraging me to be more bold. I am officaly over my high school crush and my coveted “first love”. I’m ready for everything and anything. The day he comes crawling back to me, because I know he will. I will be prepared to fight him with all the words I have stored in my brain.

Evaline Rone Garland may forgive, but she never forgets. I am, and will forever be, over him.



I am no longer in love with William Mabry the Fourth.



SO SUCK IT.

It’s HILLARIOUS how ONE freaking TEXT MESSAGE can BREAK YOUR HEART.

It’s hilarious. I buy things the day they are released and don’t even listen/watch them until… a month later. The observations of my own personality are highly disturbing.

I miss somebody deeply, and it hurts a lot more than I thought it was going to. The thing is,I know it’s because both our feeling are now out in the open. I’m terrified though, that somebody is going to snatch them away.

Right now, I find myself vulnerable. My hormones are extremely high, and lately, I’ve been carrying a heavy heart due to little things. I’m also stressed, yet relieved that there is 3 weeks left of school.

Next Tuesday is the carnival that the sophomore class won. May 14th is the Yearbook signing party and then the following week is, well, the final week.

Next year is going to be, without-a-doubt, the best school year of my life. I will be an upperclassmen, I will be driving, I will be a Managing Editor of the Yearbook, I will be Holland’s TA, I will have a 0 hour, I will have a lunch hour (finally), I will have a CAR!, I will be 16, I will have a job, I will be learning Japanese, and I will be finishing the final touches on my novel.

I’m sick of the smell of dry-erase markers on white boards.
“Special” quaderlaterals.
Loud kids in science classes.
and, most importantly, I’m sick of AIMS.  

Evaluation: I’m very thankful for my brain.

Never have I been so thankful for a body part that usually gets me into trouble. I can say now, that I have tamed the filter and the quick reactions of my wit/sarcasm. I should say that people should be warned, but I won’t. The only you should be worried about is if you get in a quarrel with me. I will win.

I am writing a lot lately. Either for school, yearbook or for myself, it has been far more than I usually do. I have also been going back and reading some of my old fanfics, finding that even though they were short and not necessarily planed as well as a novel, they had plots and lines that just stick to my heart.

And I found an old journal from 2 years ago too. The first thing I read amazed me; because, in some ways it is still true.

 When I grow up, I want to be just like Pete Wentz.
(Find the humor. It is not literal, mainly because I have a vag.)

Pen is my lover, paper is my paramour.